I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Damn victory sex feels great
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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