he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
