you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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