You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
