Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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