But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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