wanna go halves on a baby?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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