My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
