it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
