I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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