An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
