im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
