12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he thought i was a dude.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
