A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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