you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Let's paint friendship bongs
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
