I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
