Christians are straight up FREAKS
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
