1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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