we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I AM VODKA MAN
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
