I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
