speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
