I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
