I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is Oprah even human
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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