By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
