Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
