my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
its liver damage thursday
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
