I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
