70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
