I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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