would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
