Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
