Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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