Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
