Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize