Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
