I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
