I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
