It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
