How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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