This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
