did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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