People in love make me want to vomit
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
