So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Randomize
