No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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