Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
