sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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