you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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