It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
