tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
