i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
