Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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