Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
