I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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