Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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