I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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