the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
