I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
