Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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