Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
