It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
3pm strippers are depressing
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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