I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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