What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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