I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
