Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
