hotel room ftw
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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