if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
