my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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