Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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