First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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