For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
