I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
